Inevitables
On my walk this morning, I approached the four-way stop at the corner of my street. A car had pulled up to the stop sign seconds before me. We engaged in the ceremonial stare-down of who will go first. Like a ballroom dance with no leader, we sat idly, neither wanting to do the wrong thing in a series of false starts. Eventually, I summoned the courage of my ancestors and braved the road. I tucked my lips away in a half-smile/half-apology, waved from the hip and did that move we all do that is somewhere between a jog and 'a power-walk but no faster than merely walking. It shows hustle and courtesy. I know for certain that if the roles were reversed and he didn’t do the ol’ “smirk-’n’-shuffle,” I’d be daydreaming of hitting him with my car for the next couple of blocks.
I could write about this scene daily, as it seems to occur every single time I approach a street corner. I’ve noticed many inevitable patterns in life — don’t get me started again on my flight troubles. Here are some others that come to mind:
SOME INEVITAB-HULLS
I will be two weeks late on letting someone know I’m available for a cool opportunity. My favorite comedian is in town or there is a sweet job offer — great! They will have already assumed I am too busy and have offered the position or concert tickets to someone else. (They’re also probably right 90% of the time that I don’t even know about.)
Every time I have been wronged for the last time and am fully prepared to give customer service “the business,” I will be helped by the most courteous and coolest person on their staff. I will swallow all of my slander and tell myself I’m a good person for not going postal on them.
There will be some pinprick dent on a new trumpet of mine. I can polish it all I want, hold it with the care of a newborn, and stow it carefully in it’s perfectly-designed case. It doesn’t matter — there will be an inexplicable, yet incredibly obvious, dent in the bell.
When at a new restaurant, your food selection will ALWAYS be better than mine. I am not a person who believes that we can’t order the same thing, I just think that, for some reason, I’ve outsmarted the “restaurant favorites” to find their secret specialty. I hope you enjoy your delicious chicken sandwich as I stare daggers through your skull between bites.
Dinner will always be ready when I have 8 minutes left in a task. Too short to end my task early, too long to eat my food before it becomes lukewarm. Either way, I’m frazzled.
When attending a live sporting event, my team will only play the most dominant game ever or lose in heartbreaking fashion. There is no in-between, only extremes. I don’t need roller-coasters or sky-diving to feel the rush of adrenaline — I’m a fan of Huskers football. They have been absolutely brilliant at keeping it tight enough to give me hope every week and then lose on the last possession in some never-before-seen turn of events. I’m also an LSU Tigers fan, a Cincinnati Bengals fan, a New Orleans Pelicans fan… okay maybe I just need to pick better teams to root for.
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Isn’t my life just miserable? Maybe some of you can relate, or maybe you’re the person who is just so care-free that you don’t even “smirk-’n’-shuffle” at the crosswalk. Just know that I promise never to act upon my day-dreamt-vehicular-violence.
…but I’m definitely thinking about it.
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