An abNormie
As a musician, I believe that I experience life very differently from whatever one would probably consider “normal.” This thought was expressed to Gabi as she attempted to catch up with a friend over FaceTime a few weeks ago. Apparently it can be a little difficult for others to focus when someone is providing a backing track of trumpet lip slurs and tuning exercises. At this point, Gabi has been forced to adapt and barely even notices it’s happening. (She’s actually fast asleep as I write this and play some etudes in the other room!)
I refer to you normal people as Normies. While I do love my life as an abNormie, I’m jealous of your Normie life. Much of what I dislike about my career is what I miss out on that Normies get to experience. What I would GIVE for a regular sleep schedule! A 9-to-5 job where I can leave work at work! Weekends at fun events or nights out where I’m not working — or a couple nights in with loved ones. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life! But a man can dream for the best of both worlds, can’t he?
Here are some other areas in which I differ from you Normies in daily life.
WAKE UP ROUTINE
NORMIES: Wake Up. Shower. Brush teeth. Coffee and breakfast. Maybe some light reading/journaling.
MICHAEL: Wake Up. Shower. Brush teeth. Coffee. A routine of deep breathing, making strange fire siren sounds on the trumpet mouthpiece. Easing into the day with a tuning drone and metronome loud enough for an entire high school band.
LISTENING TO MUSIC
NORMIES: Listening to a playlist of your choosing, typically chosen based on your environment and those around you. Maybe humming along every now and then.
MICHAEL: Listening to the same 15-second clip of a bebop tune on repeat for 20 minutes. Attempting to scat the melody, probably sounding more like a pre-verbal babbling baby. Slowing down that same 15-second clip to an unrecognizable speed. Realizing that you’ve been playing this loop for about 20 minutes and you’re now in a trance.
TYPICAL WEEKDAY:
NORMIES: Attending business meetings, drafting spreadsheets and emails, communing with colleagues at the office.
MICHAEL: Remaining in my underwear, draft emails and plan practice and recordings. Going to the gym (I’ve put pants on by this point). Showering and shaving (yes, I have to shave) to appear presentable. Filming the same 30 second clip 43 times only to find I needed 44 takes to actually like the way I sound.
TYPICAL WEEKEND:
NORMIES: Enjoying some time with family and friends. Maybe dinner and a movie or a nice barbecue. I’ve heard this referred to as “relaxing.”
MICHAEL (weekend): Leaving your house for the first time at 3:00pm. Driving an hour and a half to begin your 10-hour workday. Trying to hold on to the faint memory of your wife’s face. Singing, playing and dancing in front of 150-500 strangers. Getting compared to Joe Burrow and attempting to remain humble while refraining from asking when they last met with an optometrist. (Stage lighting and sunglasses can work wonders.)
BEDTIME ROUTINE:
NORMIES: Going to bed around the same time every night, typically between 10pm-12am.
MICHAEL:
Friday-Saturday | Go to bed when you can. This could mean midnight or 4am.
Sunday | Wake up at 7am after a measly 3-5 hours of sleep. Look presentable for the church ladies. Sleep the afternoon away.
Monday-Thursday | Attempt to establish a sleep pattern and go to bed like a Normie. Stare at the ceiling until sleep takes you.
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